"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure." - George E. Woodberry
I am so upset with myself...
Maybe I'm being over dramatic, or just being overcome with self pity. I feel like something that brings me such joy is going to be put on hold for, I don't know how long, and it really frustrates and saddens me.
The run today was so exciting. I couldn't sleep last night because I kept having dreams about not waking up in time for the run, or getting lost, or something else. I woke up early, got all of my things together (except for my watch! Grr!), picked up Clark, drove out to the Riverside T stop where I was greeted by TONS of runners. We all took shuttles over to mile 9 of the course, and I was all set to run the 17 miles to the finish line, even though we were only supposed to run 16.
The first 3 miles FLEW by! Rick even shouted out to me from his car as he was passing by which definitely gave me a boost of energy. When I got to the first water stop he was there waiting, and I was so excited to see him since it's been awhile. He asked me how my "Newts" were working out and I was happy to say "great! Blisters are better!" But apparently completely jinxed myself. The entire time I was "in the groove", keeping my short, quick strides and pace to be what I thought at LEAST 8:30.
By the time I got to mile 6 though, the middle, bottom of my left foot was starting to ache... I couldn't tell what it was... Were my shoelaces to tight? I stopped and adjusted them twice. Am I coming down strangely on it? I adjusted my landing. Finally, it was done. My foot was in utter pain. I tried slowing up my stride, doing more of a heel-toe motion, I was on the brink of tears with how frustrated and in pain and embarrassed and proud I was. I WAS GOING TO FINISH THIS RUN!
I got to the next water stop at mile 9.. "What mile are we at? When is the next stop?" Ok, I'll try and make it. All these people I had passed wayyyyy in the beginning had caught up and were passing me. I was praying Rick would be at the next water stop so I could ask his advice, but I was pretty sure he was planning to meet us at the finish. One of the coaches from another team thought it was just a muscle thing or a cramp and thought running it out would loosen it up. The fact was, I was too damn proud to just ask for help and for someone to take me to the end in a car that I pushed myself much further than my limit. At the next water stop, right at the Chestnut Hill Reservoir that I run around, I called Clark to let him know I would be taking much longer than anticipated... I was so happy to have finally reached the point in the race that I knew.
I made it almost to Washington Square on Beacon Street when I ran into one of my teammates who was walking in the opposite direction. I stopped to ask what he was doing and he said he and a couple friends were stopping early since they were nursing injuries as well, and do I want a ride? I broke down.. yeah.. I did want one. I should have taken a ride 6 miles ago. So then and there at mile 13 I admitted defeat. Not an easy thing to do for such a competitive and determined person as myself...
I met my brother back at my apartment where he did a few tests and noticed the only time it hurt is when I'm putting pressure down on it. We think it is a muscle thing rather than a stress fracture... maybe a sprain... I soaked in a hot bath and have been icing it ever since.
God, I wanted to finish that run so badly. I had the energy (especially since I was doing 10:00+ plus miles) and I wasn't sore anywhere else. The few positives were that I did get to see the course, which was really enjoyable to be somewhere new, and I did defeat Heartbreak Hill--which wasn't even really THAT bad! Ask me when it's mile 20 and not 10 and it might be a different story.
I plan to go back to Marathon for a new pair of Brooks Adrenaline's when I can put weight on my foot.
No comments:
Post a Comment